I have ADHD and here's what I want you to know.

After a spontaneous (much-needed) short break, I'm back. In this episode, I'm talking about my ADHD and how that has impacted and benefited me growing up, and shaping who I am today.
 
From the pressures of others, societal boxes, and the constant derogatory comments; I'm shining a light on how the correct diagnosis can completely change the game for a person.

Connect with me  on:
Instagram @iamtaraladd
Linkedin tarajoyladd
Website taraladd.com
Biz Website youroneandonly.com.au

Transcript

Tara Ladd: 0:00

Just a heads up if you've got little ears around this podcast contains some swearing. Hi, you're listening to the Word, a straight shooter podcast that generates real conversations about the systemic issues surrounding working women motherhood, business ownership, and society as a whole. I'm your host, Tara Ladd, owner of brand design agency, your one and only mother of two boys, and a champion of working women and a balanced society. Hello, hello, welcome back, I have decided to kick this thing back off again. You may have noticed I took a little bit of an impromptu break because, well, life just got a little bit hard and I had no mental energy. I was going to call it in a 12 episode kind of batch. But yeah, I just felt that I needed to kind of just put a hold on things and come back to things when I was ready. And that just happened at Episode 10, which felt like a nice round number. So I left it there and just wrap that up in the show notes because obviously I didn't think when I was recording it, it would be the last one. So in the last few well, weeks since I did do that last episode. A fair bit is gone on my, my second sunblinds just been sick constantly. So you know, we've had to do the whole stay at home from daycare. I think he's been once in six weeks trying to do the whole juggle work has been really inconsistent. Lots of things with I guess, leading up to the election, maybe there was some hesitancy with people spending money or not, not have not it not being the right time for people to spend money, you know, with a lot of the threat and the looming inflation, you know, emphasis quotes. But I mean, things seems to have really chucked a turn in the last couple of weeks and obviously I'm feeling really positive again. It's interesting how if one aspect of your life really kind of tips, the implications in the rest of it all just kind of follow and yeah, I just felt like I needed to kind of put the brakes on Irie, my firstborn. Obviously my immunocompromised son ended up in hospital for the 24th time. Last week he needs his tonsils out so every time obviously tonsillitis flares up he gets attempts so but he was pretty high. So we sent him and lo and behold they found no viruses. So it was just the nice case of tonsillitis again, just spurred us to go and get this stuff done privately because yeah, he's at that age now where in all moms would know this when your child gets the needle, they are fully aware of what's going on. But yeah, constant cancellations when you're in hospital is not great. And he's fully aware of, you know, all of that stuff. So telling us to get off him and leave him alone and don't hurt me was probably really a bit too much for me. So I just called myself out on it and just pulled myself back from work pulled myself back from I guess a lot of social commitments and just sat with what I was dealing with at that time. And I did a few if you follow on Instagram, I did a couple of stories that kind of just spoke about the place that I was in and yeah, it kind of feels like when you go through those motions that you're stuck in this you're just stuck and people are just moving fast around you and yeah, I mean I people will obviously reach out but also you know, it's getting to the point now where where it's stay 24 And people kind of just over it or not over it but they don't check in as much as they used to. So you know, I do get the messages from from the consistent friends but yeah, a lot of others have just got life stuff on you know, so a lot of things on their own plates. So it's just like another stay in there. That's fine. I get that too. We just like to keep people in the loop because mentally I just can't deal with someone shit when it's not relevant. Anyway, I just thought today I wanted to kind of touch base on I guess if you don't know I have ADHD I've I've was diagnosed with it when I was kid. So I know that I've still got it like it's not I know people say outgrow but I just I technically just don't really think you can outgrow it but anyway. I think you just learned to manage it. It's a real buzzword at the moment. I'm noticing a lot of people bringing it up like it's a trend. I mean cool but wasn't a bloody trend when I was at school. So I'm gonna give you a bit of a background as to, I guess how I've grown up with it and where I'm at with that, because I think that as we kind of evolve as a society, we're realising that more people, I guess, do have some form of ADHD, like they're talking about some stuff with one in four now like so. Considering it's so huge. I think that more attention needs to be given to it. But anyway, I don't know if that's just my FYP of social media, but I see a lot of it. So basically, we came, my brother was actually originally the, in quotations problem child, which is not what he was at all, if we really think about it. But yeah, he had a lot of behavioural issues at school, probably misunderstanding from a lot of teachers that just knew nothing about that. And yeah, I was in one of the best Sydney clinics, mum took my brother to go and get tested. And they spotted me in the waiting room. And obviously, they will issue you getting tested. But anyway, so yeah, Mum was like, does she need to, because obviously, it was very closely related to hyperactivity. And while boys, girls obviously display their symptoms very differently, and I mean, anyone that knows me, and if you've been following along for a while now, I'm classic, extrovert 101. So, you know, hyperactivity is literally embedded into my soul. But anyway, so I ended up being tested when I was, I think I was in 11 years old. I can't remember if I was in high school or moving into high school, but either way I was, yeah, I was 11. And I went in and did all these tests. And yeah, so I mean, if you haven't, actually, I mean, I know that a lot of people are on the waitlist to be tested for it. But I'll kind of give you my background as to what happened when I was a kid. Obviously, it was a paediatric clinic. So you had to go in, I remember from what I remember, you had to do a bunch of neurological exams, and tests. So it involved me doing like a listening test, which I suck at, I still suck it. But yeah, I had to do a listening test and drop blocks into a basket. I had to watch this screen hold a button when they had like these like pads into my head, monitoring my brainwaves or some shit. And I had to press a button. Every time I saw a white light. There was all these all these little things I can't remember there was another one where I had to put like a peg into like this cork board kind of thing. But the one that I remember quite distinctively was them sitting me in a room with a close passage and no answers. Just write your own. Write your own answers into these spots, and you've got 20 minutes to do it. So I remember them walking away. And, you know, initially in the first couple of minutes, you try and do it and then there's stereotypical me, I just started drifting off and looking out the window. And then I'll get really anxious because you know, it's like 20 minutes in and or it's 15 minutes in, you know, you've got five minutes left, and you've done, I've done nothing on this page have filled out two answers. It's like 25 to fill out and then I'm trying to like figure out stuff and reread everything and then then panic sets in because it's I wasted all this time. And anyway, like, I still remember this feeling quite distinctively. A lot of a lot of things in my life. But yeah, so the lady comes in, and she's like, how did you go? And I've got like, three answers on the paper. And I'm like, Look, I I did my best. And she's just like, Oh, what if we give you another 10 minutes and see how you go? And I was like, okay, and then obviously, because I was freaking out, and then I was a bit more relaxed. So then I was able to smash out the rest in in the next 10 minutes. And so she came in took it and yeah, so then what you do is you do all these things, and then you kind of come back and they give you the medication. So in my brother's case, he had Dex amphetamine and I had Ritalin. So I had a tablet of Ritalin and you go away, you have lunch, you take the tablet, and then you come back after it's kind of obviously doing its thing. And then you reset all the exams in the tests. And they compare how how you go. Anyway, so my whole life I will up into that point, you know, my whole life being whole 11 years but yeah, I remember distinctively going to a school where I was in a composite class for for four years four and five and then I was in another composite class for four and five again, and I remember being with this teacher who's just a bitch like, man, she just did not. My mom hated her. She just, like shoved me to the back. Obviously, I was very out out, you know, I wasn't outgoing will definitely probably wasn't the word to use at the time then but, you know, probably really loud, very energetic. Probably annoying if we're going to be completely honest. But yeah, she just, I remember them there being a time when they were trying to teach us trading like maths trading. And I didn't understand it, like I couldn't. And she, I remember her getting really frustrated because she was obviously trying to explain it to me, and I just couldn't. I couldn't grasp what she was trying to explain it like this. I'm 35 years old, I remember this, I would have been what at the time, I couldn't even tell you what it was at the time. But I ended up repeating the five I started school, it was four months that I was ready to go. But then obviously, you can't do that now. But yeah, I was four turned five in July. But yeah, it was not. Not great. Because obviously I was quite immature for my, for my grade. But anyway, so yeah, I remember doing trading, she got really frustrated with me and just made me feel like I was dumb. And so having that teacher for two years really put me down of feeling like shit, like, like I wasn't, I actually was really stupid. And then they put me with a bunch of kids. And obviously, who knows what was going on with them too. But that will probably you know, you have your classes that have the smart kids and they have the normal kids, you know, pretty average kids, and then they have the other kids that probably have learning difficulties or, you know, on a switched on. And I was always palmed off into that group, and I just felt like I didn't belong there. And not that anyone in there, you know, they could have been dealing with the exact same thing, but I just felt that I just didn't belong there. And I felt like my confidence took a massive dive at such a young age. And, you know, at this stage, I was like, a really good competitive dancer who is like doing lots of really cool stage shows and dancing at the Opera House and, you know, doing really cool stuff and front and centre on stage. And like, I just felt like this wasn't like an absolute, you know, contrast to how I was feeling in the classroom. And mean, it's a classic case, isn't it now of like, you know, everyone takes things in differently. You shouldn't judge a child because they can't, you know, focus on one area. But anyway, yeah, this teacher was just such dick. Like, if I saw her in the streets, I would love to give her a serving, wouldn't you anyway, now. So then Mom repeated Me sent me to another school. And I had this beautiful teacher. I mean, God it's like Matilda, right with Miss Honey, this teacher Her name was Miss Summerville. Like, could it get any more perfect? She was just such a beautiful person. I'd switch schools. And at this stage, I don't think I had been tested yet. I hadn't been tested yet. No. So yeah, I was just you know, confidence was at an all time low. When I joined the school I really wanted to do I wanted to do whacker carry which was their I guess, like a version of rocker Stanford kind of thing. Competitive like school performance, drama kind of stuff. And the rule was, I think you had to kind of audition to get into it or audition the year before whatever it was dumb thing was I hadn't done it. And I remember the girls these girls going oh, you can't you can't do it. You have to audition for it and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, my teacher was just like, oh, yeah, you you do this, you go to this dancing school, you can you can get into it. And it was even then it was just like, you know, she's just a massive change in the type of person that you need to be in your corner for a kid's confidence levels to just skyrocket. And yeah, she put me in all the things that I love to do performance arts wise, and I started to find a really good group of friends and I was just Yeah, I was just taught things differently. And I started to really just excel I moved away like she spoke to my mom and was like she doesn't need to be in the bottom. In fact, she's more towards the top and then in year six I had an even better teacher like or not an even better if equal, his name was Mr. Kitchen. And he was just phenomenal. Like, I've like just these two teachers absolutely just changed the game for me. So yeah, they all deserve a pay rise and anyone that thinks otherwise is just an absolute dick. But anyway, I Yeah, they just completely changed the game for me. new school, new teachers new confidence levels, and at this stage I think this is where mum took me And yes, why. So after I did all these tests, were reverting back. They came back out with these results. And so they were basically saying that when I first done the test that, you know, I missed most of well, for the, for the comprehension anyway, I'd missed most of the bloody answers. So they were like, look, she didn't do very well here. But, you know, once we kind of gave her that extra 10 minutes, she actually scored in the top 5% of the state for comprehension and spelling. Turns out my spelling was like two and a half years in front of the game. And here, I was thinking that I was dumb. And in fact, I was quite smart. And I think not in math. So I was pretty average at maths, but in English, and, you know, comprehension, and anything to do with that, that scheme of things, I was way ahead of the game. And fuck, I can't tell you like, even I still remember that feeling right now. Like, it was like justification that I was right like that. No one was willing to listen to me. But mom took me this doctor saw something my teachers from my second primary school knew that there was something and finally we had some kind of answer. Anyway, so the the result came from that was that I, you know, I would go and relearn and see how I went at school and blah, blah, blah. But um, yeah, so I, I started to take Ritalin and then obviously, I got some letter as well drafted for any kind of assessment that I did at high school that I was able to take an extra note I was able to get extra time in my examinations to not that you needed it, like I had it for a year, year 10 And year 12. And I left both exams early like they give you a lot of time to do that stuff. So but yeah, I started to take Ritalin and I am I fucking hated it. I I mean, attention wise, it was just amazing. Like I was zoned in on my schoolwork. I was hyper fixated on everything that I needed to do my attention was that like and let's let's look at the fact that they classified me to have a DD and ADHD which it's all one thing now but at the time, they consider that to be like inattentive ADHD. So you know disorganisation, lack of focus, forgetfulness, that type of shit, but yeah, it was like, I mean, I'm still like that anyone that knows me can clearly see. Yeah, it was, it was just, I felt that it did good in some aspects. But what it took away from me was my, I guess, my differentiation as person I remember going to the, to the playground, during lunch, and just kind of sitting on the seat, not wanting to be socialising with people because I was just in a, I guess, in a state where I wanted to go back and continue to doing schoolwork. And I was like, What the hell? So I felt like I mean, to me as a kid, I felt that that was, and this is everyone takes it differently. So you know, if you're at home, and you're thinking about your child, maybe needing to have medication, or maybe yourself need needing to have medication, everyone, everyone's different. I felt that. Yeah, I just remember being like, it's sucked. It sucked. My being out of me. And I went home to my mom, and I said, Look, Mom, I'm willing to just take a hit in my schoolwork. Really, if I can just be myself again, because I can't do this mum was like, that's fine. Because obviously, at the time, it was like 70 bucks a week to be on this medication. And she was listening to what I wanted to do. And then the conversation was that maybe I would just use it around, you know, assessment examination times to focus with but yeah, I never went back on it. What I did do, however, is I learned to manage it. And I started to realise that all of these little quirks of mine were were with to do and to associate with having ADHD. And it was like, I cannot tell you I could not tell you the amount of times that someone said that I was annoying at school. You're so annoying. It's so annoying, and I was probably just a bit too much for them if we're being completely honest. And I get that and I mean, do you know how many times I sat on my muffs portable outside like demountable I was like out outside, his teacher just did not know how to handle me. And I was obviously, I wasn't even bad. I was just talking, talkative, talkative, very distracted. And this guy just couldn't get a handle on the class ever. I remember he walked in one morning at recess and squeezed this Popper, when they told us the week before that we couldn't bring any food or drink into the class and one of our mates Christie had a pauper on a table. And he walked in and picked it up, and like slammed it on the table and fucking shut up and hit the roof got it was funny. And anyway, I laughed, and he, you know, the whole class laughed, and I got sent out. So of course, you know, this dude just didn't like me. And I found that, that that was a very common thing with teachers, either their teachers loved me, or they hated me, there was no, there was no in between. And the teachers that loved me got me and the teachers that hated me, were just there. Obviously, the people now that go, only to do isn't an issue, it's not a problem. And they yell at people instead of listening. So it's a real distinctive, if you look at but if I look back at it, now, there is a real type of person that would listen to me and anyone else that I guess that saw me for who I was really got good value for me. Anyway, obviously, I was very, very, into arts and you know, music and all of that type of stuff. So, you know, obviously, art and me, it all make sense now, right? Why I'm such a visual person. And now I'm in graphics. So, yeah, it's just how I articulated my thoughts and how I did things and how I learned things. And I think, yeah, every kid should not be boxed in. And we all know this now, but at the time, yeah, it was, it was a really hard time for me at school. And the only way that I was able to do well in a subject is if I was really interested in it. So for mostly v 12, i was done or so over high school, I was so I knew what I wanted to do. And that was the requirement was to get into TAFE. To do so. Yeah. So that's another thing I didn't I didn't think it's called an ATAR these days. But yeah, at the time, it's a UI, I decided not to get your eye on and dropped an extra subject to do it, you know, a t vet class at TAFE on a Tuesday afternoon. That would, that would count towards my HSC units. I found that the causes that I chose, I was really good history. Obviously makes sense now, but yeah, I was really good at ancient history. But I dropped it because my friend decided she wanted to do hospitality. And I did that. Or child studies. It was something dumb. Anyway, I did something and switch and I was I really regret doing it. But yeah, I didn't get you a I didn't order an ATAR. So uni wasn't even on my agenda. I'd already been at TAFE for the whole of year 11. So I knew that I wanted to on Tuesday afternoon, and I knew that I wanted to go to TAFE to do design. I spoke to one of the lecturers there when I was when I was figuring out what I wanted to do. And he said that TAFE was very practical, whereas uni was very theory, based for the first couple of years. And then you kind of moved into a a more practical version. But yeah, at the time, I just wanted to do design. So yeah, new 10 I went and did work at a packaging agency in Sydney. And I bloody loved it. Like I thought it was it. I was like, This is it, this is what I want to do. And that's absolutely where I set my goal. And once your mind is fixed, it's fixed. Right? So the only thing I needed to get into today for graphic design was to do good art to good at English. And to hell with everything else. I did really good with PDH too, because I just naturally took a liking to health and fitness. Which and if you actually know me right now, anyone that knows me knows that that would make absolute sense as to why that those three subjects tick, tick, tick. And yeah, I just, I didn't care about anything and I hyper fixated on the things that I did well. And I nailed them. You know, you've got all my band fives and band sixes and everything else was absolute shit. So didn't any UI ATAR whatever the hell and got into TAFE straight up. I did some really good. And even now I even think back on my majors. My artwork majors were political, feminist silhouettes with words written in the background that I'd worked with my art teacher on one of them I remember being a silhouette of pink in a bikini and the word slipping in the background and how I run it like the shit that like I say, obviously this hardcore feminism has been has been in me since I was you know, 1718 years old. And you know, that's crazy. I totally forgot about that. But yeah, that's that would they want my year 12 majors, and I did really, really well in them. They will Line au Prince and I remember them taking me ages and I was carving out these did all these drawings and then coloured them up and then I had to transfer the drawing onto the line Oh, and then cut them out and I remember cutting I just patients for me and not a thing anything to do with painting or some time consuming thing. Not my thing. So graphic design was the best thing ever because obviously it's all done digitally so there was no fucking anything up you can command Z it apples down do Yeah, so that's that's hilarious out. There's my life in in a tea but I guess as I moved into adulthood I was I was fully aware of the things that I knew that I was able to do. And I guess where I was at and I had it but I've still you know, misunderstood through those last few years and where I was then what I wanted to do. And also I guess the direction in life that I wanted to head in until I obviously met my husband and yeah, like my life kind of started to move forward from there but yeah, it was my I'd read pretty much packed up, packed up what I thought was what I needed to do with my life in terms of my dishevelled illness or my unorganised like I guess well being I have my mom totally has add like it is like I've told her multiple times to go get tested. She knows she was apparently tested as a kid but God, like we're going back years with mom like she's 60 this year and she was diagnosed as a kid, which means that she's obviously needing to be retested. But yeah, I just her traits up were very different. Whereas I kind of managed to get everything really, I guess, impulsive, organised. Mom was the opposite. So us living together, you know, through my teenage years was a bloody catastrophic ship fight. Mom was always late, like I'm still late, but Mom was always late, like late, late, late. I'm still late. But yeah, it just, it would affect everything that I did, like 10, late 10 minutes late to school would impact how I would go in my day. And yeah, as you think back on all these things, it was just a nightmare. But that's what happens when you've got three. Well, my sister was diagnosed as well, but I'm pretty sure she's just very, very marginally. But yet all of us had it. So it was just like this classic case of, you know, massive emotions and moods. And yeah, so anyway, as soon as I moved out with my husband, everything kind of was very streamlined, I was able to kind of live my own life and set things up in my own order. And, you know, I, I, anyone that knows me would know that I'm a very organised person. So, you know, I would have things planned to a tee like everything was done. And this was obviously my way of keeping my life together. So that shit didn't fall apart. So I knew that in order for me to kind of keep it all under control, I needed order I needed systems. And like, you know, I talked about me being that designer that actually gets into my Layer panel, anyone that knows how to use Photoshop, or any kind of Adobe programme, and I will meticulously label every single folder, every single layer, every single everything so that if someone was to ever take my work over would have absolute clear distinction of what they needed to do based off my naming. And that is just been what I do throughout everything of my life. So and that has nothing to do with being they always talk about creatives being really dishevelled and so organised and I would probably put that down to a lot of them are having some kind of neuro divergence. And it makes a lot of sense, because that is so closely aligned with creativity. But I found that in order to keep that creative flair of mine going I needed order in the rest of my life. So you know, I found as I as I move forward that that add has actually been my superpower. Like I you know, my ability to just push boundaries. They've even said that it is a thing with having immense mental strength because you're so used to dealing with these things as you were growing up that other people didn't have to deal with it. You've just got this resilience, that level that's built in built in like almost, you know, what's the right word like as a default? So I mean, I put down the fact that I dealt with Irish shit down to that as well. Like I just had things in order everything else was ordered. Until it wasn't so obviously with Irie, neither my husband or my or myself had to give anything up. It was just like, you know, the occasional shift the occasional balance. And I could still continue to do everything in my you know, OCD way if you want to call it that the definitely think there's some something in there. But yeah, who knows? It was I, I'm that type of person that was always like, you know, when something felt like it was going to good in my life that I would have to take on something else, just to keep that, like borderline stress level, it was really, really bizarre. And it was, like, my friends used to say like, just when you get life good again, you go on, give yourself something else to stress over and that 100% comes down to the fact of why it's because my brain needs to keep moving and keep, like, otherwise when it sits still. It gets bored. It needs something to do. Like, I'm that type of person that has four or five books going at the same time because I need to keep switching between the lot of them and yeah, like I just thought that I was just weird growing up. And it's not until I as an adult, I was just like, oh, shit, okay, this is a thing. So yeah, and I found that yeah, like I was saying, My superpower was the ability to, I guess, push beyond the boundaries like ADHD. ADHD is and I guess, you know, neurodivergent people think beyond that normal kind of realm and go beyond the scope of what they consider to be, I guess, out of the box thinking. So I find that's obviously why I've landed in. In the creative industry, it's 100%, where I need to be strategic thinking, like all of it aligns with what I need to do. List like listening. I've learned to do that. Ironically, it's something that I've learned to do. And I need to do as part of my job. But yeah, so I've, I've trained myself to do things, and I've taught myself to do things. And after I left school, that's when I really started to take an interest in things like so, after, like, when I was working full time, this is where I was talking about overloading myself. That's when I did a graduate certificate at uni, like and studied communications. And that's when like, via correspondence while working full time, you know, that type of level of intense, right? You know, I did another Interactive Digital Media diploma, I did add school at night, like 15 weeks for three hours on a Wednesday night after working all day, like, on copywriting and in business development, strategy and art direction. And yeah, I've just done all of these extra things. And eventually, it's just shaped, who I've become, you know, is that person that when I plan to holiday to go overseas, or I just let me do it because I had the itinerary planned to at like, obviously, I had, you know, your plan one, you realise you fuck it up. And then the next time you plan it, you leave yourself some buffer days. But yeah, it was just so organised. So done. Like, it was, like, I was just on top of everything. And after I had Bly my second, that's when things went to shit. And that was because something had to give an I had nothing to give, everything was red lining, everything was at max capacity. And I found myself suddenly losing a little bit of my identity, and therefore I found my ADHD, bad traits rearing their ugly head again, I wasn't able to train as much kids was sick. This is something that I've been dealing with in the last couple of weeks. And I found that I was getting a lot of anxiety. And I was getting really moody, because mood disorder is a very close pro problem with ADHD. And it's I've always had, you know, you put me in the wrong environment, and I can be really angry person. But, you know, I've done a lot over the years to remove that element of myself. So I was yeah, I'm optimistic. I choose, choose to be optimistic, and I choose to have a really healthy mindset. You know, it's one reason why someone said to me, or do you run long distance, I was like, I've never run more than 5k Hey, let's do a half Ironman, like, and then I did three, just to show that the first one wasn't a fluke. So you know, that's the kind of level of I'm willing to push myself and let me tell you something, that that shit right there is intense, like, a half Ironman was so gruelling, but it wasn't the physical activity of the event itself. It was the training and the lead up to it and the commitment to it and having to give time to do that. Sitting on black three hours in a garage looking at a wall like it just that type of stuff is just like mental commitment like that was the level of commitment and I guess order I had so I found that after I had Bly I couldn't channel that much I guess. Order into my life anymore in any parent knows this. But for me that has had things just so meticulously planned out, and I was aware this was going to happen. I just did didn't think it was going to happen so badly on my second child because I don't know, you know, I've had one I know what it's like. And the first one was really problematic. So how hard can the next one be? Ha. fucking hard. That's what. So yeah, I found over the last couple of weeks, I've just been really struggling. We're not weeks or months, the last couple of weeks, I've been finding, I guess finding myself again. And, you know, I've spoken to one of my mates is a psychologist and I had a really good chat with him. And obviously he can't talk to me on that, that, that line of professionalism. But yeah, he's always good value. And I love having those really deep conversations. I've got good friends that I can have deep conversations with. I've also segmented my friends I have certain conversations with certain friends because you need to have those those types of conversations and I get I just, I find myself relating a lot more with someone other friends like, you know, my best my best mate. One of my best mates. He's on is on the list to be tested for it as well. And yeah, we both have just refound I guess going through the shit for our own lives and kind of married back up and back on the same track as to where we both are in life again, which is really, really good. But yeah, it's just a finds that there's still a stigma. There's still a stigma around it all. And it makes me wonder how many women have ADHD, even autism, I know so many women now that have been diagnosed with autism in their older years. And this so closely aligned, I don't have autism, but um, it's definitely along the line that I really closely aligned to ADHD and so as bipolar so are a lot of mental health audit disorders. So yeah, it's just interesting. As we move forward as a society, what's becoming more accepting is allowing people to really open up their opportunities to figure out who they are as people. And you know, it's really interesting, like, a lot of these conversations are happening on Instagram, Tik Tok, and people talking about their quirks, which make them who they are. And I feel like, for so long, we've all just been boxed into this way of having to be in society, that we haven't been able to truly express ourselves. And it's only now that, you know, I even had a conversation with a potential client the other day that was saying that someone told him that, that he needed to act a certain way in order to reach a certain level exec in a business. And I was like, Why? Why would you not be yourself? He was like, gonna, you need to speak this language, and you need to talk like this. And I said, and he said that, you know, he met them at, like, when he was working in London, he was meeting them at the pub, and this is what he learned about them like that. You missed the key point there. He met them at the pub. Like, why do people have to just like, glorify, you know, everyone? Everyone is normal, is a normal person. Like, we don't just become the identity of our work. And I think that that is just, we are so many different layers. And I think as as, as we move forward, I'm really happy that people are discussing these, I guess, discussing the positives of neurodivergent SSI. And, you know, even I didn't even know that I was that, like, that's not even I just never spoke about it, because there was such a hardcore stigma around it. And sometimes I'll even say to someone, oh, yeah, I've got ADHD, and they'll be like, you don't have ADHD? And I'll be like, What do you think ADHD is? Like, I can tell you right now I have it. Like I've been clinically tested for it. Like, I've done all the things like it, there's there seems to be this this stigma of what someone is considers ADHD to be. And it's always that problematic, loud, naughty kid at school, right? Like, that's not what it is. I'm sure they're there. That was my poor brother. But he just needed to be heard. Like, you know, he was incredibly smart. Still, it's incredibly smart. So it's like, you know, people shouldn't judge and it makes me wonder where he would have been in his life if he if he would have gone somewhere different maybe if he'd been nurtured differently, or I don't know. Kids these days getting that type of attention, because I feel like it's, it's pretty important. And it's really funny because I was talking to my neighbour who's a teacher, and she was saying that a lot of parents won't go test their kids because because of the stigma, they consider it to be Oh, no, but why? If you're a parent, why would you not want the best for your child? Like if you think that they have something? And like I'm telling you, ADHD is absolute power, when you can put it to work? Why would you not teach them how To use it to their advantage, instead, you're going to let them go through all of their schooling struggling, because let me tell you now you will, they will struggle if you do not do anything about it, that the education system is not built yet to support that type of person. I mean, I think a lot of teachers would have found this through homeschooling, like, the way that different kids work, I remember my teacher specifically calling me out in math class I got, you know, I was that kid that would go to an assessment, I could nail each individual, each individual maths, assessment, algebra, trigonometry, fuck you name it. And then the minute I would get to an examination, like an end of end of term examination, when they would put all of the shit together, and give you that formula sheet, which really cheap on a sheet, I would just fucking lose it, like my mind would just lie would lose, you know, any kind of order and form that, you know, Algebra started to suddenly blend into trigonometry. And the formulas didn't mean anything to me. And, and all of that stuff. Like even today, like a sudoku puzzle will give me anxiety, like anything with numbers is not my thing. It takes me a lot of takes a lot for me to work with numbers. But visually, I am a fucking weapon. So if I can, and hence why I'm in this industry, and I find it's probably why I've done so well in my career is because I can understand how to articulate something in an image that can appeal to a wider group of people. I also come from a place of empathy. I mean, I think if you've, if you've gone through the shit, I mean, not even just with me having ADHD, like dealing with Ras issue dealing with, you know, it's I guess you wouldn't call it a problem. It's not problematic family, but it was a dysfunctional family. And I'm happy with that, because I don't think I would be where I am. I'm happy that I went through a public school system to learn what I want for myself. You know, I missed opportunities, because our school didn't have those things. But and I mean, I would, I might change some things moving forward, for my own kids, but like, I don't regret ever going to a public school, and I don't, there's no difference to the education system. For kids going to public, private. I think the only differences is, I guess, opportunities that you pay for. And that's the difference, what you learn is the same shit. So you know, I think yeah, I mean, whatever, there's a lot of things that that can that can be shared about it. Having that element of me loud and proud is is something that I yeah, that I am proud of. Because it growing up, I'm glad that I had that diagnosis, because because you imagine if my mum never got me tested, and all of a sudden, I went through my whole schooling system, just thinking that I was fucking dumb, or not having those teachers to nurture me, like my life turned out the way it did, because of a few key moments. And, you know, if someone's depriving the child of those key moments, like, what adult are they going to turn into? Like, wow, that got real deep real quick, I'm sorry, but I'm just That's my brain. It goes from you know, surface level to you know, deep. I also change the conversation quite quickly. I'll be talking about like fucking oranges and end up on the war or something. But yeah, it's, that's just, my sister always calls me out on it. And you'll notice even if I'm doing it in I do have points written down for that obvious reason, because my sister will always call me out on it in a in a conversation. She'll be like, you're going off topic. You're going off topic. Am I hurt, reel it back, reel it back? So yeah, it's it's just different ways of doing things. But yeah, that's kind of what's been going on. I've just been really trying to find my order again. And I started off by reading and if you've been following along on Instagram, I've been reading fair play by Avery Redsky. A Brodsky? Sorry. And I found that to be incredibly what's the right word? Here we go. This is what happens with ADHD as well. I guess it's not, I guess I felt like I had an answer. Or figured out a word talk about later. But yeah, I just felt like I felt heard after I read that book. You know, talking about a tart doing a task. And I wrote, I did this in a carousel for the, you know, the mental load, but she discusses the term of owning a task. So from conceive to plan to execute. So you know, the whole thing that I was talking about with ownership of, you know, if your kid goes to daycare, the execution is just taking them it's the planning and the conceiving of the idea of where they go, it's studying and researching and filling out forms and all of that stuff. And she started talking about that and that women are so overloaded, because they're doing so much of the C and the P and NOT and you know, even the E. So, you know, your husband might do 5050 and the execution, but when you're talking about a lot of the mental load in terms of thinking about things, and the like, you know, let's talk about dinner, for instance, you know, cooking, the dinner is the execution, but it's the researching what you're going to cook, and it's going to the shops, and it's getting the items and putting them in the fridge, and it's getting the items out. And it's making sure that you're planning what you're having on the on the recipe for the week. And then it's cooking the food, like, so that mental load is just churning away. And when you're doing that day in day out, that grinding task can become really overwhelming. And I found personally, that all of these things, and then obviously, I'm a business owner, right? So I've got all of these things happening to me at work. So I've got the extreme pressures of trying to manage the household paired with the extreme pressures of trying to manage business. I've just can't read lines, if we're completely honest, I've gone overload computer shut down. And my whole body has just gone stop. And after reading her book, or listening to her book, on Audible for five hours straight on the weekend, hilarious story. Bly was asleep, I was driving him around, came back from the doctor and driving him around, he fell asleep. So I was like our stuff just kept driving. He still kept sleeping. So I just pulled over on the side of the road now to coffee and listen to my ebook. Just so the engine was like going and didn't really want to go home and my car battery went dead. So I had to call Rhonda come and get me come and jumpstart my car. Anyway, so I was listening to her book, and I just found it. Really, yeah, really eye opening. And it was almost like a slap in the face. And I think we all like I've spoken about it before, we all need to be in our own in our own right place to get things moving forward. And, you know, someone might I hate it when people will say to you, like, oh, everyone has time. And I've said this multiple times. Like, I believe that there is a strong mental aspect to that, like in knowing that you have to have a few key pillars of your life going well for you to be able to make key decisions to focus on yourself. So financially, health wise in terms of, I guess, physically, emotionally fight, like I said financially, but yet, like spiritually, whatever it is, like, you know, there's there has to be something a couple of plates spinning well for you in order to for you to make a certain decision. But when like for me, business didn't feel like it was going well, home didn't feel like it was going well. Everyone was getting sick, I felt so mentally exhausted, I felt that all of my plates had just stopped spinning and hit the ground and smashed. And I was like, something needs to fucking change. And in her book, she I remember her saying that, you know, you might ask yourself, why you should be the person to make this change? Why can't they make that change? And she said, because if you don't make the change, nothing's going to change. And that was something that I needed to be told, like I was, I was just like, Why should I be that person? You know, I was having a bit of a pity party. And then it just was like, You know what, because fucking processes need to be put in place. And in order for us to understand how to move forward, the processes need to be built. And all of a sudden, on Sunday, I just switched to gear. And I went to the gym Monday and I made time to go and have time for myself. And let me tell you this, I made a four day week after the back I got out of hospital with Ari's little stint last year, six times in three months, whatever it was, and I made our business a four day workweek. And I made it a four day workweek so that I would have that Monday to have time to myself. And how much of that have I used fucking nothing? Cannot believe it, call myself out on it. Why are you not using your Monday for self care, which is why you planned that day. And I was using it to catch up on work. So I was just an look. It all falls hand in hand, right? Like, you fix. You fix the element of of self care, you feel better. When you feel better. You think better. When you think better, you do better. You can you can innovate, you can say it was just that was my wake up call honestly. And health and fitness has always been as I've said in this in this episode. That has always been a fundamental part of who I am as a person. And I needed to get that back for my identity to be me again, because I felt like my identity was being lost. And in my identity being lost. I was getting really upset and my ADHD, ADHD was being unmanaged. And my processes were falling down, and I needed to get a stronghold on things. So this week, I have fucking nailed my physical activity. I have nailed my food. I have nailed and like, let me talk about food. For instance, my level of food and nutrition. I've studied nutritional medicine for at least a portion of it until I went to the point where I didn't want to do clinical, I just wanted to learn about it, because that's just what I do. I learned I know what I need to do, like I know what I need to do. But sometimes you need someone else to keep you accountable. And I like that what I find what I was struggling with is, I've come from such a high level, in performance in nutrition and fitness, that I was still upholding myself to that same level. So you know, making sure that you had prepared grilled chicken with your never eat broccoli and rice, whatever. But you know, whatever my version of that was, you know, a healthy pasta or healthy whatever, home cooked meal that were batch cooked on a Sunday and chucked in, that fucking was not working for me. So obviously, every time I tried to attain to that standard, I was failing, not failing again, and I was failing again. And it got to the point where I just became so overwhelmed and so anxious that things felt like they were falling apart. And then I said, Hang the fuck on. Go back to when you started to lose weight and get healthy a decade ago. Where did you start? So I went back, I've got frozen Weight Watchers milk guys, they're in the cupboard, Lean Cuisines, all of that stuff that you know, as a, as a health and fitness buff, you would snub your nose out, because you just think that that is so beneath you. Well, guess what? That's what's working for me right now. I don't have to think I grab it from the freezer, or chuck it in the microwave. It works. It's calorie driven. Am I behind sodium, what the fuck ever? It is working for me at the moment. So right now, I'm getting back on track, I'm feeling really motivated, we had a huge week, this week in business, it is absolutely flipped on its head. And my things are starting to come back. And it's almost like you've manifested your shit to get back together. But it's just changing the outlook. Because I put some things to action. You know, I'm having conversations with Warren about how we can move forward about changing some of the dynamic and into how we move forward. Because literally, they listed the types of people that we were and we are like, top of top of them. So I was the collaborator, wife, and he was the more than most men. So I mean, we are like ideal personas for us to make this work. We just need to communicate and make it happen. Remove emotion, you know, sit down and have conversations, but you know, you feel like you're constantly falling under. And that's what I guess the motherhood penalty is as well, like, you just feel so overwhelmed that there's no way out. And I found myself just trying to claw out. And I was like, if I feel like this, how the fuck to other people feel. So I mean, this is my way of saying. I mean, regardless, no, this is obviously me talking about my ADHD. But like, as a mother, you should feel heard, like, this is something that a lot of women will go through. And, you know, I've spoken to a lot of people that said that maybe they do have ADHD. And I'm not saying that it's just something that people are going to have. But it is something that maybe if you feeling a little different, or a little bit unheard, or you or some of these things resonate with you. Maybe just talk about it, because we know, I know that the waitlist is huge, like, it's huge, because people are just getting to that point where they're like, hang on, and the conversations around women having it and now more prominent, and how women and men really differ in their symptoms, and how women do things very differently. And I can tell you right now, and it's really funny that a lot of this, the business owner creatives that I'm really good friends with have, have some kind of neurodivergent say about them, like they're either autistic, or ADHD are all both. And it just makes perfect sense that our brains are just aligned. And, you know, I feel good now, like, you know, and I think maybe you would have noticed some of the content being a little bit more pessimistic. And that's fine. Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, you'll find the content that I talk about, will align to how I'm feeling. But I'm also happy to kind of ride the high with you guys. So you might find that the content starts to become a little bit more chipper. I don't know. Or it might hit a low again, who knows when it's low. It's low. It's high. It's high. Yeah, I guess I hope you enjoyed this episode. I've got a few episodes coming up that I've already pre recorded. That I'm really excited to share with you. Lots of motherhood stuff lots of women kicking off stuff and you have actually in talks with a PR agency at the moment who want to use me for a promotional thing about strengthen and motherhood so hopefully something with that comes to fruition you might see I will leave that out a bit soon. I would like that out a bit soon. I will link that out soon if that comes to a head but um yeah, I guess. Yeah. Like flick me a DM or have a conversation if you feeling that that you may. You may have symptoms or symptoms. You Yeah, I hate it when they call it that. It's not even, you know, you know what I mean? If you feeling that it's relatable. I think that a lot of things are relatable to inattention. So you know, it's not like you have AD add, because you are inattentive, like, you know. So there's, there's a lot more to it. So don't, but I mean, always speak to someone and see if you can get checked out. Because if the if there is something there, there's definitely programmes and ways to move forward, and it can fucking change your life. So you're so you can just change the way that you did live and do things. So that's me out today. Stay tuned as the next slot are going to be rolling on out. And I'm really excited to share the next few with you. A lot of going to be about I guess, I want to make it a lot more working women business centric, because I feel that we're in our power at the moment. And sorry, if you're a liberal supporter, but I'm so fucking happy with this, the changing government more from a progressive point, from a very gender split, or gender, parity, Parliament, and people will go, Ooh, you can get through if you're in credit. And I actually had this conversation with a past colleague. We need equity in order to have true equality. And equity means that we need to lift women up in order to be in those places to provide true equality in order for us to be able to choose by merit. So yeah, I'm really happy to see what happens if it could turn to shit but like, let's face it, where you have to take a punch, see what happens. So yeah, I'm really optimistic about what's happening at the moment. I think a lot of other people are really optimistic and yay, that government guys that came in because women had a voice so continue to use it and power to us. If you enjoyed this episode, then don't forget to head over and rate and view it helps to let other women know we're around. Also, don't forget to follow along on my Instagram page @iamtaraladd, or hit up www.taraladd.com